i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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