Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
