so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize