I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So many bounce houses so little time
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
