You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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