thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
