i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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