Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
