I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
