Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
