My sheets look like a crime scene.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
