Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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