Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
