I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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