That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
