mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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