Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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