i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
