dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
