What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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