My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
