The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
