Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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