why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize