Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
