How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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