Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
