You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
