I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
