dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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