4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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