Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The best revenge is premature balding
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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