Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
