She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
