NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
