So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
