I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Less talking, more tequila
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
