she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
