Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize