It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
