Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
