So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
third nipple confirmed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
