So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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