We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
