I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So much rum. So many feels.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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