ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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