I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
