I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize