soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Drunk walkin through police station. America
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
