We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
