Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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