Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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