My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
