I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
