I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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