Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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