OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
