HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
