apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
