Apparently you make a good broom.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
