He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
