i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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