I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize