i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
