My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I want is dick and wine.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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