she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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