last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
