apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
