it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
