I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
