im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
