HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
