Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
