walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
