I wish I only lived at night.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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