If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
