His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She's the barista slut.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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