I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
