these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
