No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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