I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
