Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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