He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
