It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize