You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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