I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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