I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
