it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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