When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
