eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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