I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
